Thursdays 4 Therapy

Gosh, I almost forgot how much I love writing in my blog... I swear to never forget again. Last night I had the following dreams:

I entered the church sanctuary on Christmas Eve and saw my family sitting together. For unknown reasons, I was sickened by the sight of my father. I planned to sit next to one of my sisters, with at least two sisters in between me and either parent. Then, my traitorous mother got up and switched seats, so that I would be forced to sit either next to a parent or with only one sister between us. I opted to sit in another row. I thought how I didn't even want my Christmas presents because I didn't want to be around my parents. Later on, my father tried to hug me. I said, "No, I'm not wanting hugs," or something to that effect and he looked very hurt. I thought my anger had something to do with sexuality, and so I told my parents that I would remain angry until they were happy about me being gay. It seemed that Lora supported me, and I felt better after I said it, but had a sense that there was more to the situation. There was some travelling bits that I don't remember, including watching a man jump into the subway tracks to catch a D train on the other platform. We all said, "Ohh!" Then, there was something with my ex gf Erin. Then, a bit where I gave Tatiana away to a friend or cousin because I thought she might be happier there, having a ferret friend and another kitten to play with. But after one night, I realized I couldn't live without her, and made arrangements to get her back. And I went to get her and had difficulty getting her into her cage. Then, I realized that all these people had given me presents: a new guitar, amp, this thing you attach that converts all jams into sheet music, and a recording system... and I started having the idea for this awesome song and was intent on getting home to play.

Then I woke up and realized I gave up on guitar and have no such equipment. And I haven't even worked on any music in a few weeks, and what the fucking fuck! I wonder if I got a guitar if I could just pick up where I left off. That's it, I'm buying one. A cheap one or something, I don't know.

Last night, other than watching The Wire and CSI, Michelle and I had an interesting theraputic breakthrough, led by me. One very standout thing about Michelle is her voice, which is quite high pitched and childlike, naturally. But then, at least 50% of the time, she also talks in baby-speak, like with kiddie words and such. So, last night I named that character. For whatever reason, I named her Rachel. Now, when Rachel is around, I simply call her Rachel.

NOW I AM GOING TO WRITE THIS ANNOYING PAPER. It's on young adult literature. Then I'm going to look for guitars on ebay, which is, probably, the stupidest place to buy one. But I am too shy to walk into a store.