I love Pathmark in the morning

I have taken a sort of "weed pill" and am waiting to feel some effect, but so far, nothing. You probably have to take more than one, which I don't have. Oh well.

This morning on the way to the clinic, Michelle and I were asked for like the tenth time if we're twins. The man asked, "You two sister?" and we said no and he said, "You look like twin!" We were holding hands. What kind of sisters hold hands? Besides that, I couldn't think about much besides my physical pains all morning. My foot is killing me (thank god, acupuncture tomorrow) and lower back too. It's hard to walk. It's almost impossible to walk and talk.

Me and Val actually talked about my fam last night. Val asked me, "Do you want to let go of the past?" and I wasn't sure how to answer. I said, "I have no idea what that would even look like." I said, "Yes I would, because I would probably feel more like real person with a real past." Then I said, "But no, I would not, because maybe they don't deserve it?" Then Val said, "It's not about them though." I said, "Okay, but I'm confused," because I know how to do this- you're supposed to realize: oh, they were incapable of meeting my needs, but now I forgive them and let it go. But nothing feels different. I know that now my folks are just sweet, harmless parents. But "letting go" is like nirvana- no can really explain how to do it. Then Val said, "It's not something you can do with your rationale mind." So I'm just going to forget about it for now. At the end of our session, Val gave me a kiss on the cheek! We hug every week, but this was new. Hmm... I kind of liked it. It's hard to imagine her creating false memories by hypnotising people, because she never suggested hypnotising me or going into the unreachable recesses of my memory to dig something out. If she was interested in getting me to think my dad molested me or something, yesterday was a perfect opportunity to suggest hypnotism. I was practically asking for it. But no, she asked if I want to let go of it... the rage or disappointment or whatever.

I signed up for twitter. It's not that fun. My work will probably block it soon anyway.