ulcer?

I have to have a procedure next week where they put me under anesthesia and put a microscope down my throat to see if there is a little worm called H. Pylori in there. We are going to find out about my chronic stomach pains. At this particular juncture in time I am feeling torn over how I should behave regarding my wife’s status as an addict and her behaviors and consumption of certain things and also my own. I’m in the process of getting another script for either Vicoden or Percocet, which I’ve done several times and I give these pills to my therapist to hold so that I can ration them and try to only use them to treat painful menses cramps. But then Michelle pointed out it isn’t fair for her to suffer and she’s wants what I have. But now she’s being somewhat pushy about it, reminding me several times today and yesterday to ask about the cost and whatnot from my connection, and so my conscience is bothering me. Michelle isn’t on the methadone program anymore so she can have a little of this and that, but I’m not willing to give her half a script of painkillers to use at her own discretion. “I’m an adult!” she screams, but she always says that. I can’t give that to her. I can hold it for her and give her two at a time a couple times a month. But is that sick for me to be in control of that? Everything seems fucked up right now. And it even seems unreal. Like I want to drop out of everything and kill myself, although dead bodies are so disgusting I never ever want to die. I just want to feel happy. I hate this fucking place right now! Work. I’m a boring person and I want to go home to bed. Plus Michelle was so hyper last night and actually stayed up past me, so it makes me wonder if she’s on something, even though she isn't, but it's hard to trust her when it comes to drugs. I can’t control her and I can't watch her every little move. What can I do? She’s got a drawer full of pills as usual, mostly sleep aids. She keeps a lot of things to herself though. In some ways she presents as so emotional and open but in other subtle ways I think parts of her are dead and cold; nothing real gets in, nothing real comes out.