No sidewalks

Last night Dead Muse had a very good rehearsal, and due to having written 2-3 new songs that I like very much, I am once again feeling positive and hopeful about our future as a band and my small successes as a singer and writer. I also have positive feelings about having secured myself another increase in salary at my job that has allowed me to purchase health insurance for the first time in over four years. Unfortunately or fortunately, having a rush of positive feelings about music pushes my career crisis to a back burner for now. We have two shows lined up right now and I hope the second one will be a better attended event than the last couple shows, because it's on a Saturday evening and will be located close to the PS1 party and will be free and have three dollar beers. Anyways, on the way home last night I wanted to cry because I realized one major reason I have stalled so much on becoming an English teacher is because my primary dream has always been to be a singer and although I realize it's stupid and I do realize the realities about being able to support yourself that way and the fact that I'm reclusive, self deprecating, and non aggressive in the pursuit of musical success, I can't give up my dream! Don't laugh at me, Michelle. I will still be setting career deadlines for pursuing the teaching goal, and I do really want to become a teacher and will become one eventually. But I feel that the creative chemistry and progress of songwriting in Dead Muse is unusual and special. It takes us about three hours to write a whole new song and every song we write seems to be better than the last ones. Hopefully we can play all the new material for the July show. This is not to say that I can't be in a band and pursue a teaching career! But I'm not sure if I can. I guess I'll have to try. Hopefully I'll be a real teacher by the time I'm 35 years old. That probably seems very old to Michelle. It doesn't seem old to me, but a lot happens in a year, much less five years. Okay, I'm not thirty yet. I've started to identify that way though for some reason. I'm just rounding up in order to get used to it now. Anyways, here are the lyrics to one of the new songs, although I've noticed that reading them rather than hearing with the melody sometimes makes the lyrics sound trite or cheesy. In terms of lyrics and melody, I currently consider Cat Power my greatest influence, although I am extremely moved by the vocals in Sleater-Kinney also and have been trying to simplify my lines in that way. When we write songs and are all coming up with parts, it feels to me like the best possible melodies exist already and I just have to locate them. If I do something less than, it sounds awkward to me and I am unsatisfied and keep revising until it feels perfect. This song is called, No Sidewalks:

Perfection, I believe in / Perfection, take my dreams / Perfection, Yes I live for / Perfection, you own me / And if the day comes / I can admit the bad / And still get out of bed / I won't hurt myself again / Perfection, when did we meet / Perfection recognize me / Perfection I'm unhappy / Perfection, ruining things / And if the day comes / I can admit the bad / And still get out of bed / I won't hurt myself again

No one can be all things / No one can see it all / Well I tried your face on, took it off / I moved here and found this out / No sidewalks / No alleys / No trees / No old ladies / What do you want to see in heaven? / Why do you think we're in hell? / You and me, we got a house / You and me, we got a home / You and me, we got a yard / And everyone leaves us alone

IN ADDITION to that song, last night I finished lyrics for the "A Dick Shin" song, aka "Picture." Here they are:

I get chills when I think about this / Everything so pointless / I don't know about you, but I'm heartless / Crying in the bathroom / Hiding with the radio / Eyes on the ground / I keep my head down and I find it / Picture, picture, picture me / Fighting with the enemy / All alone so tell me now / How without I can be free / I feel real when I tell on myself / But you know I can't help / When I see my friend, gonna be hell / Crying in the bathroom / Hiding with the radio / Eyes on the ground / I keep my head down and I find it