Rapprochement

This morning I stopped at my regular fruit stand on 33rd and 8th to get my usual banana and asian pear (fifty cents only). I thought we had an understanding, the cart owner and me, that I'm running very late (every day) and cannot wait in the line to pay, so I will have to just take mine and cut the line and drop the change on his money area. However, today I waited, to be nice, but still felt impatient so I put the change down on the money area while he bagged my shit instead of waiting to receive the bag and put the coins in his hand. And when I looked into his eyes I saw some real hostility! He hates me! I wonder if I can keep going there.

So I spent all yesterday trying to edit M's paper, but how can I when she knows so much more about it than me? Well, I consider myself good at crafting sentences, so that was my main focus. But it took me so long because much of the information is new to me. I just have general ideas and learn about psychology on the internet, as it comes up or I need to know something, I look it up. Anyway, the main question I had about the content - I know we agreed to discuss it this weekend - but I have to formulate my question here or I might forget or feel confused. So this is regarding the section I copied below (which incorporates my editing so if MK doesn't agree with a change, she should say and I'll revert to the original). My questions are: nevermind that this is an older theory and not as multifaceted as a bio-social one, just assuming that there's truth to it, why do you think the borderline always experiences and feels the fear of abandonment more strongly than fear of engulfment? It seems like they are both equally likely risks or outcomes. Are there just more mothers that punish (or otherwise mishandle) their baby for its dependency needs than ones who do for its attempts at separation? Is it uncommon for the latter to even occur? And if the primary injuries to the developing personality are inflicted in response to individuation attempts, what do you get? Obviously nothing in the DSM. Well, those are my questions, what do you think Dr. K?

"The central task of separation-individuation is the child’s attainment of autonomy and a sense of self that is separate from the caregiver. In achieving this separate self, the child is met and challenged by two conflicts: desire for autonomy versus desire for closeness and fear of engulfment versus fear of abandonment (Kreisman & Straus,)... The third and fourth stage of the separation-individuation phases, known as rapprochement and object constancy, are seen as being the most crucial in determining a vulnerability to Borderline Personality Disorder. During the rapprochement phase, which occurs between sixteen and twenty-five months of age, the child first begins to realize that he/she is a being separate from those around him/her. However, the feeling that accompanies this first realization of separateness is one of ambivalence. To reduce ambivalence and strengthen the child’s sense of separateness, the caregiver must consistently support and nurture the child while simultaneously fostering and reinforcing his/her efforts toward achieving autonomy. Immediately before and after instances of separation, the caregiver is to accept, without retaliation, the child’s feelings of sadness and anger. The caregiver who is unable to fulfill this role, who initiates separation before the child is ready or who resists reuniting after a separation, will discourage the child’s attempts at autonomy and the child will feel the threat of engulfment and/or abandonment. Inappropriate and non-supportive responses or messages from the caregiver keep the child from sufficiently completing the rapprochement phase (Landecker, 1992). According to Mahler (1971), “one cannot emphasize too strongly the importance of the optimal emotional availability of the mother during this subphase” (p.439). Mahler believes that the fourth and final stage of separation-individuation cannot be entered, much less completed successfully, if the rapprochement phase ends unsatisfactorily (Kreisman & Straus, 199). However, children who do complete the rapprochement phase face the goal of achieving object constancy: recognition that the physical absence of the primary caregiver does not mean he/she no longer exists. This comprehension, if achieved, is then applied to other significant characters in the child’s environment. Also during the object constancy stage, the child enhances his/her capacity to tolerate frustration and ambivalence in general. One way he/she copes is with the use of transitional objects that represent and are associated with the caregiver, such as certain blankets or toys. Once the child fully achieves a state of object constancy, the use of transitional objects is retired. Because the Borderline’s sense of object constancy is prohibitively lacking, it is common for them to continue depend on transitional objects even as adults (Kreisman & Straus, 199)."