dehydrated

i've been thinking maybe i should go back on antidepressants. i don't really want to. but this is pretty lame. crying all the time. tomorrow is my birthday! it just makes my eyes fill up with tears and the gagging feeling. toward other people, nothing but hostility. but i can't stop crying. it's the only thing that releases it. too bad it makes my eye makeup run. it's not that i don't think anyone loves me but that i can't feel it, i can only feel crying. i was just reading about another boy who was killed by his ma. she smothered him. his dad found him. can you imagine your mom turning on you like that? the one person that is supposed to love you and take care of you. and they hate you.



you're just a little person like a little animal and you have no idea what's going on but you come into the world knowing how to love people and expecting it back. and they just hate you instead.

and they deny you what you need to survive and you have to learn how to survive without it. but how can they hate you? and then how to stop hating yourself for still loving them or just hating yourself period.