Men

Yesterday I was watching this French movie called "Fat Girl" with Michelle, and it's all about these two sisters on vacation and the older sister "loses," so to speak, her virginity to an older college student. She's 16 and her younger sister is 14. The 14 year old is the chubby one, whereas the older sister is flirting with the college man and making her sister tag along for all of their "dates." I became very upset, because I could definitely identify with what happened, and it's so typical and so pathetic. The girl wanted to be loved and desired, and didn't want the man to be mad at her, which he was, when she refused to have sex. So she's all, "Are you mad at me?" and trying to do everything but have sex, but in the end, of course, the guy wins. It just disgusted me. Because WHY do men enjoy having sex with someone who is not aroused, to say the least? In my mind, that is the sickest thing about men, period. That they derive pleasure from sex when the other person is not having any pleasure or even feels pain and fear. It seems like rapists generally just pretend that the girl wants it, and maybe that's the case with your average guy on a mission, too. He just tells himself that the girl wants it as much as he does, or that she's just pretending to have reservations.

So, considering the report I read in college Sociology class, where frighteningly high percentages of men said they would rape if they knew they wouldn't get caught, and the statistics stating that 1/4 women have been, and considering the people I know personally who have been molested or assaulted, I have to conclude that men are, overall, morally and spiritually inferior to women. Ironically, the major religions have done everything they can to exclude women. In fact, supposedly the Buddha himself did not want to have female monks join his group and he denied admission to his own mother-in-law three times in a row before someone else convinced him to let the women join. I just read that in a book. Which makes me think that either his followers made that up because they were not true Aharants, or else the Buddha was not fully awake as he claimed to be. Because if he were really free of worldly consciousness, once and for all, he would no longer be constrained by the gender roles of his culture. Personally, I think the world would be WAY better off if only 10% of the men remained and were quarantined for reproductive purposes.

No, I don't really think that. I'm just disgusted by how easy and natural it is for men to enjoy sex regardless of the other person's feelings. Like, even with sex workers. How is that hot for the buyer who knows the worker wouldn't do it for free, and probably hates him and thinks he's gross? It's not right. But my main point has to do with the ubiquitous case of guys manipulating their teenage girlfriends into having sex. Because most people agree that rape is wrong, and sex work is dark, whereas it's supposed to be natural for your first boyfriend to pressure you into having sex. Like, they will do anything to get it, and they never give up. I totally regret my first experiences. I wish to God I would have realized that I had nothing to lose by refusing, and everything to gain. Why did I care if he was mad at me, or dumped me? I could've just been single and let the teenage boys (and grown men) sweat me and want me but not be able to have me. Much better for my self esteems. But I felt really trapped, like I was doomed because all my friends were giving up their old plans to "wait for marriage," and I didn't think anyone would be willing or able to wait for me.

I contacted my first boyfriend in 2002, and he was like, "Oh, I think it's really special that we were each other's firsts." And I said, "Oh do you? Well that's nice, or whatever..." totally shocked. Him being my first is not special to me!! I did not enjoy it, it didn't feel good at all, and I became almost suicidally depressed for years as a result! But he's just a simple, regular dude. Thinks it was cute. Can't even imagine what it was actually like for me. Sex minus arousal and minus lubricant! But we are so used to thinking of everything through the male perspective, who feels the pleasure, who dominates through coercion and force.

(PS. I know that some women also lack compassion in their sexuality (sadists, etc.), but I think they are the exception to the rule, and there is usually a reasonable explanation for it, like having been abused as a child and being a sociopath, which makes them different from men who are generally, naturally, able to enjoy sex with someone who is not enjoying it.)

(PPS. I wish there was some way to reach young girls on this issue. Because I think it's traumatic for girls even if they pretend to be tough or pretend that they like sex. That's a total coping mechanism. Because if you wanted it, then you weren't a victim. I never wanted to be a victim.)