The other night I dreamed that I had HIV. I was thinking about how it wasn't that big of a deal, but comparing my life perspective from what it had been formerly, when I didn't have it. Also, there was a part in the dream where humans had to be recharged, like batteries, via blood donation. I needed someone's blood, so while this lady was sleeping I put an IV in her hand and connected myself to it. When she awoke, I felt afraid of her anger, and I assured her that my blood was clean. I don't remember anything else from the dream, unfortunately. The truth is, I probably have Hep B because Mich has it and we got sick with all the symptoms around the same time last spring, and then she was diagnosed. Maybe I don't have it though. I am going to get blood work done in a couple weeks. I have an appointment. I guess I'll find out and I suppose it's good to know one way or the other. There's not much you can do though, if you do have it.
I got acupuncture today. Slept for over an hour there. They are so nice at the Brooklyn Acupuncture Clinic and I'm so glad it's only a couple blocks away.
I have been wanting to write about the economic crisis, but don't have the energy right now. My opinions and feelings on the matter are different than those of most people, I think. My whole thing is, I think external circumstances are entirely separate from true happiness. Most people seem to think the whole point of life is to get enough stuff so that they can feel secure and happy. I don't think that point ever comes. Sure, it's nice to have stuff. The happiness never lasts though, people want more. They compare themselves to everyone who has more. I think it's just important to have a roof over your head, running water, sanitation, health care, and affordable, healthy food. Most of the things people are having to give up right now, they don't need. I compare what I have to people in third world countries or people in concentration camps. And I figure if some of those people can find inner happiness, then I certainly can. It's a spiritual answer that we need. I think security is an illusion, and that good things could come out of all this. After all, it's only during periods of palpable insecurity that we finally turn to god. I feel bad for people who are living in poverty and who stand to lose even more... their jobs and homes. I do. But I think true freedom and happiness can come out of losing everything, if we turn to god. You know, if you have read other parts of this blog, that I do not mean god like the god of any particular religion.
Right now, Mishy is sleeping and I am half watching C.R.A.Z.Y, a French Canadian film. It's pretty good, but I'm kind of bored. There is a gay character in this film. Of course, the character's dad hates "fags" and "faries." You know, most people get old and they are just unable or unwilling to change or open their minds to new ideas. I hope that no matter how much the world changes in my lifetime, I remain open to it and allow my old ideas to die off like the leaves in autumn. We are so committed to the idea of "I." But "I" encompasses so much more than who we think we are. We are connected to the great unconscious which encompasses all the "I's." This is what I believe anyway. Who knows what's really true?
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