moving slowly in a fast city

This weekend Michelle's mother let me borrow her cane. So I used it while returning to Brooklyn with Michelle and again, on the way to work, this morning. At first I felt quite embarassed. I'm a young lady, and I look funny walking with a cane. It helps though. I can move a little faster. On the F train, a middle aged white lady gave me her seat. Then the F train was re-routed over the G line, and I had to catch the A at Hoyt Schimmerhorn, which was, naturally, packed. I had to train-surf with nothing to hold onto. Before we pulled out of the station, a man was bumping into me and I said to him, "Excuse me. I need a little room because I have a cane." He apologized and moved over a bit. Nobody could see my cane at first because the car was so full, but once it emptied out and people did see, no one offered me their seat. But everyone is aware of my cane. Besides when the car was too crowded, my neighbors on the train and sidewalk have been using that New York skill on me, the glance that takes in everything.

This is all, of course, because of the acupunture I had last week that turned the scar tissue, on my foot, black and blue. I'm going back for more on Thursday. I should see the podiatrist too, but it's expensive and I can't take any more time off work. Plus it's difficult to get across town when I have to walk with the cane. However, it makes me feel vulnerable, to know that I can't run, in the event I needed to run from something or someone.

On the train this morning there was an extremely tall young man who must have had the disorder where people grow beyond a height that is healthy. They have specials about real dwarves (little people) and giants on TV... I think he was a giant. I noticed that he was interested in the way I could train train-surf with my cane, and when a seat opened up next to me, he took it. I think he would have liked to be friends. Alas, we follow the New York rules and don't bother each other by striking up conversation. This is the city where freaks get to relax if they so desire. I'm not trying to call the giant a freak or myself one for using a cane, I'm just noting that people are tolerant here. They may not accept, but they tolerate any type of person. They don't stare or harrass each other, for the most part... except in the case of hate crimes. (Doesn't all crime involve hate against someone?) The point is, here is a place where people of all nationalities, religions, homeless or headed to the office (or construction site), men and women, handicapped or selling candy, preaching or playing a homemade instrument, drunk or high, listening to headphones, reading a Black, porn/romance novel, The Torah, or the newspaper, everyone is basically willing to sit or stand closely together on the train, quietly observing everything while appearing detached or asleep.