full moon in may

Starting my period the day before the night of a full moon, you would think I’d be insane right now. However, I feel happier, more peaceful and calm than I have in a long time! This morning I felt so sweet in bed with Mishy, drinking coffee, smokin’ a cig and petting Tatiana. The room was bright and warm. Michelle wasn’t getting up, she has the day off, but she had her hand on my tummy. I keep saying to myself, “my parents came to visit me.” They left Sunday around noon. The weekend was amazing, and I think that’s why I feel so decent. My parents were sweet and interested in everything I said and showed them. We went to Coney Island on Saturday. We walked on the shore. We took pictures. In the evening, Michelle joined us for dinner at a restaurant near my apartment. Then I played scrabble with my parents, and Mishy rested. She took too much medication and was dopey, which was stressful, but I have communicated my reaction and let it go. Her damage control let me know she really does care how I feel and what my parents think. On Sunday, my parents left, we rested, and then we went to a movie- A stupid one, about this ugly guy who, for some reason, is able to interest two gorgeous girls in Hawaii, including his ex. But we weren’t really watching the movie toward the end. So, I started remembering things after my parents left, having memories of living with my family, laughing, eating, travelling, doing chores, and playing with my sisters. Why haven’t I remembered these things for so long? I totally left home and changed my whole life and self just to be able to become gay. I could not break that rule in the context of home. But, no wonder I have felt so alone. I wasn’t even allowed to think about or miss the people I loved. I’m thinking about it now though, and it feels good. It feels like things are connected, and less like I’m an actress who has no real life.