Nicorette, la la la

I am happy to report that my lesson went awesome last night. Everyone seemed to love the activity and the professor said she plans on stealing my idea, which is great. You know, I had them describe prints of paintings and photographs, then switch descriptions with a partner, and try to draw/color what the partner described. I totally DO want to be a real teacher. I like everything about it, except the long hours. I love speaking in the imperative form, like, do this or don't do that, etc. Michelle and I communicate it that way, especially when we're bike riding. We compromise a lot though too, it's like a constant compromise between two imperative figures. But usually we want the same things, so it works. People who hang out with us say it's like we operate as one person.

One thing I noticed that ruins the flow is when the gal is manic (I finally understand the term and am using it consciously and literally here. per therapist). She won't let me get a word in edgewise! Also, her compulsive coughing and throat-clearing habit becomes very pronounced. For several months, Michelle didn't believe that the coughing and throat-clearing were compulsions, but I knew it because my older sister used to do stuff like that. Lately, Mich has been trying to tone it down, for my sake, because "agitating/loud noise" is so high on my List of Intolerables. She probably won't be able to stop altogether though, without the right meds. That's what my sister said, anyway (she's a psychologist now).

Speaking of meds, last night I confronted one of my peers, this guy who's always nodding off during class. I said, "Excuse me," and he said, "Yes?" I said, "I want to ask you a personal question, and I don't mean to be rude," and he said, "Okay." I said, "Are you a heroin user?" He looked confused (but high) and said no, but then our conversation got interrupted. Later, he said, "About your question... I'm on some anti psychotic meds and some meds for anxiety," and I said, "Okay well I'm glad to hear that. Stay on your meds," and I smiled at him. He said, "Sometimes when I don't eat enough or something I may look out of it." Then he said, "Thanks for your concern." After that, I thought about reporting him to the teacher because I feel 97% sure that he's lying and it angers me, for some reason. But I decided not to, because what can the professor really do? I know my comments to him probably won't help at all because when you're hooked, nothing else really matters, but hopefully he'll realize that his appearance and behavior are, in fact, identifiable, to someone who knows, whereas he probably thought no one could tell. And if it's really just prescription meds, he's obviously overdoing it.

I hate drugs. I quit smoking today.

Whatever.

I can't seem to stop gaining weight, and I don't eat a lot!?

I eat very healthy.

Today sucks, the fucking weather- everything. I'm so ungrateful. I'm so unenlightened. Goddamn the fucking rain though!!! Enough! I'm just bored of life. How am I going to survive without my smokes? Am I ready? How do you quit if you're not "ready?" What if you never feel ready?