Hell House

Last night MK and I watched the movie Hell House, a documentary about these losers in Texas who create a haunted house of “sins.” It was quite upsetting, as these “Christians” have the most infantile, shallow, petty conceptions of God possible, and are judgmental and self righteous in every way. They have taken a complex, mysterious, ancient text or collection of texts – the bible – and simplified it to fit their culture and their own (pathetic) ideas of right and wrong. I know most “Christians” do this, but the Hell House crew take it to an infuriating extreme. They trivialize pain and indulge their fantasies of painful situations so that their haunted house is a grotesque manifestation of hypocrisy. The create the following theatrical scenes: rape, abortion, a gay man dying of AIDS, incest, and more – with the point of each being the moment where the character either chooses Jesus/God or rejects him. The characters all reject God, that is, they express anger at God for allowing them to suffer, and are immediate banished to Hell, where the devil taunts and torments them “for eternity.” At the end of the haunted house, the visitors have the chance to pray and accept God. Unfortunately, they scared thousands of ignorant Texas kids into “accepting” God in this way. These types of evangelical “Christians” often talk about there being a war in this world between god and Satan, and how they want to “win souls for Christ.” These are also the same people who usually support real wars. They really don’t know anything about God, or Jesus.

The only thing I know about God, and I’ve said this before, is that God is indefinable and incomprehensible. It is impossible for the human mind to wrap itself around God. The western, scientific mind doesn’t want a mystery like this, but eastern religions have the right approach. All religions have some truth, and it’s good to search, to try to understand. But in the end, there are no answers, because we are too small, and the big picture is too big.

They are laying people off at my job again. I may or may not be laid off. If I am, I will try to take it as an opportunity. One door closes, another door opens. I will try to work as a substitute teacher, which I didn’t plan to start until next fall. In a way, I hope this happens. But money is a big worry. Everyone is worried about money. I have a hard time accepting that part of life – in tarot cards it is the pentacle. I resent that each person has to find a way to create financial and material security for herself and her family, especially when that security depends so much on outside factors, like the economy. But I’ve become stronger over the years, so maybe the struggle is good. This job I have now, it’s not a problem if I’m depressed, so I feel less anxious also. But then again, I have no real challenges or goals here, so that in itself is depressing. I still didn’t get the letter telling me whether or not I am accepted to graduate school. Everything feels frozen until I know about that. I don’t care if I’m poor, but I need to be able to pay my rent and buy food. That’s it! I love my home with Mishy. I look forward to going home every night. I hope I don’t become overwhelmed with anxiety and unable to be good company when my comfortable routine (this job) ends. I would hate to have her stressed over my finances. I want to be a support and great wife, not a burden or someone on the edge of despair and panic.