Big changes on the horizon

So tonight I broke the news to the gentlemen of dead muse that I will be parting ways at the end of the year. I feel sooo fucked up about it tonight! I wonder if I did the right thing? It's easy to say goodbye to something that is 100% bad or even 90% bad. But during rehearsal I felt love for the songs especially the latest one, and I felt impressed by our progress as a song writing team, and my own personal progress in that arena. I feel I have some talent and that I'm about to throw away everything I thought I was working toward. I felt like crying while singing the last song, and the boys looked very sad too. They are very disappointed and don't want me to go! But I still went through with it. I'm worried that it's just my chronic discontent that made me dislike going to practice and counting the minutes till I was out of there. But either way, I have to make a life for myself. I applied to school, and feel very determined and excited to become a teacher. I will probably still not want to do things and be miserable doing them, but at least I'll be creating a good living situation and doing something meaningful. I wonder if I'll ever have the chance to write songs again. Obviously I can if I want to. But I wonder if I'm walking away at a critical point, as if good things might happen for the band if I stay. But I think no one will ever come to shows, and I don't like doing them anyway. I'm never going to want to network and meet people so that they come, oh there are a million reasons why they won't come. And even if they did, nobody's going to pay me for that. I am just scared in general of taking this leap, especially the idea of leaving my secure job next year in order to do substitute teaching, which I view as a crucial step in the process of becoming a teacher, for me. I felt very sure of my decision, but after breaking the news and contemplating it truly being over, I feel so ambivalent. I'm almost feel like I don't know who I am because I'm reminded of how I felt when I wanted to sing in a band so badly and believed it could go somewhere. But I want a peaceful, meaningful life. I don't like hanging out in bars or want to travel away from home all the time, even if that were a real possibility. Maybe if I was younger and single, or had a different personality. I worry too much about Tatiana when I'm away from her, and whether she's going crazy missing me or what.