friendship in my world

I joined facebook. At first it was a lot of fun. Now everything has slowed down, I reconnected with a bunch of folks from my past, no one is available to chat, and it's boring. Plus so many people have their profiles on private, you can't do any research. BORING. I miss my friend Gaige, even though sometimes she really makes me mad. We haven't spoken in a long time now. I miss chatting with her while I'm at work though and hearing about her life. I suppose our argument is a matter of pride. Mine. GOD MY JOB IS DRIVING ME INSANE TODAY. It's mad busy. And I have cramps. I just wanna get the fuck out of here, go home and lay down. Finally, the phone stopped ringing. Thanksgiving is coming up and millions of fat Americans can't wait to celebrate gluttony, a great American value. I'm in one of those moods where people disgust me. Sometimes everyone has a beautiful glow. Other days, such as this one, they are weak, greedy, and pathetic. Like people in the elevator. I just hate listening to their fake/work chat. Why the fuck do people talk about their jobs in the elevator? Can't it wait till you arrive in your office? Also, why do people squeeze into an elevator that's already full? Nobody likes being packed in like sardines. Unless you're late for work, there's just no excuse for that. I've also noticed that the majority of people are really boring. Naturally I surround myself with people that I find interesting, but I would rather be alone than talk to average, boring, married, nice people. Then again, my sister is married and has a baby now, and I don't think she's boring or that her life is boring. In fact, I'm in love with her baby. I guess it's a matter of people being boring to me when I don't know them. Most people are more interesting when you get to know them, right? Wrong. Hey, I really don't know. I know that I'm bored by happiness. I'm bored by self-pitying types too though. Just why can't people say something new and original? Why do they have to say something that anyone could have said? I'm not saying that I'm the most original in the world. I have to participate in certain social niceties such as, "how are you" "I'm fine" etc. I just wish everyone would shut up. Including myself. No one knows anything and all this conversation is meaningless noise. I'd rather fuck. jk :) Well, whatever. It sucks when you miss and love someone but you know they are a jerk and don't deserve your friendship.

NYC Teaching Fellows: a good program?

I was in the NYC Teaching Fellows program for about two and a half months. I quit while I was working as an assistant teacher at a school in Co-op city during summer school. I just became overwhelmed and couldn't manage the stress. So, I admire people that can handle it. I've noticed that it is not the perfectionists who are successful in the program, but those that are more flexible and simply don't quit no matter how unprepared, ignorant or scared they are. I can't say it's a bad program.

(I erased the rest of this post where I started bitching about the annoying teaching fellows in my graduate classes at Hunter. It was mean spirited. They have good intentions. Sometimes, "intentions" aren't enough and excellence is required, but it's not my business to worry about all the students with bad teachers).

No Sense

I listened to the song, NO Sense on repeat today. It's so beautiful. It wasn't making me sad either, just thrilled at the way Cat Power chooses words and melody lines. She's my fav. I can't sleep though, because the damn song is in my head. But I kind of feel like playing it right now.

Why do I write online? Because I don't know which will last longer, the words I put here or in a notebook. It's always been my dream or obsession, to be a "writer." The internet is my dream come true.